what do you do when you feel the need to run? ..hide?
when fear creeps in... fear lurking in your mind... not knowing what to do
with nothing and noone there to cling on
when you know everything is lost and there is nothing to be done
..and evidently facing the END.
"...i simply give in. see where it brings me. i do not fight back, if it is futile... IF."
to some i am weak
to some i am stupid
to some i am cruel
to some i am nothing...
and my lose would not be mourned
but there are also people who think
i am strong
i am wise
i am kind
and more important than the most important
and they would mourn if i were lost
people who makes me human..
makes me vulnerable
subject of pain and pity
people who keeps me grounded and human..
those who knows i am different.. not necessarily
understanding what it means..what it feels to be different
but didnt take it against me
and those who tried to understand
...i thank thee
i live in a place of concrete jungle
with educated and civilized monkeys
called humans
i do not hate hate this place nor do
i hate its inhabitants
they anger me, but i do
not hate them for that
its simply their nature
...i only long to be separated from
them once in awhile
..not to be connected
to be lost...
a moment of peace...
a moment to be alone..
to think
to remember what it was like
when i died
curled up in a dark empty space
with nothingness..
yet it was peaceful.
empty yet peaceful it was..
i am different after all..
mom said it was my fault
because i never tried to make people like me..
"i tried mother.. i really did.."
mom knew i was different from the others.
she just didnt want to believe it
i got beaten everyday because i was different
it got worse everyday
until i was driven to a corner
badly beaten up
"what do you do when you feel the need to run? ..hide?"
when fear creeps in... fear lurking in your mind... not knowing what to do
with nothing and noone there to cling on
a smalll voice..
coming from inside my head...
"fight.."
it murmurred..
"fight.."
it kept saying
"FIGHT..."
it finally said louder and clearer.
i was on my feet
grab something near me and started
fighting back
hittting them
shouting at them
and even provoking them to fight back
..and they were gone
just like that
they were gone
still clinging on the object
i started to examine what i was holding
it was stained with blood
i didnt know if it was mine or theirs
thinking it was theirs
made me smile..smirked even
i stood there
dumbfounded by the events
i wasnt crying now..
i was still looking at the bloodstained
club-like object
that aided me
my nose was bleeding
i was badly bruised on my arms and legs
from the kicks and punches i got
but looking at bloodstained object
gave me satisfaction
and that was enough
to compensate for all the bruises
and pain i have ever gotten
it was the first time in my whole existence that i felt powerful
and i had my "trophy" to boast
..i knew it was going to be the first of many
-------
to some i may be perverse. weird. if you do not like what youre reading then dont read it at all. i do not write for others delight.
Yorokobi "joy"
